Collapse 1991

I grew up in the biggest country in the world – Russia, but seventeen years ago it was much bigger and it was called Union of Soviet Socialists Republics. It was strong and powerful, but too big and too multinational to keep everything under control. In the year of 1991 the Soviet Union collapsed. It sank as a roller-coaster car very fast and all the way to the bottom. The collapse was caused by numerous reasons like the decline of the economy, the desire of numerous republics to be independent and an inefficient government. This collapse was a significant event which affected in different ways the whole country and people who lived there.

The most significant affect of the split up was the general crisis in the country. The economy was affected the most. The prices were liberalized and went out of the government control. Basically they were in hands of individuals in power who managed the prices the way they wanted. In addition, the country faced a demographic crisis. The number of birth declined immediately because people were scared about their and children’s future. On top of that there were constant conflicts between republics that wanted to exit the Soviet Union. Of course, the USSR government did not want to let them separate because there were investments and projects made in the territories of those republics. That is how Russia lost its major navy base after separating with Ukraine. That was also one of the reasons of the ten-year conflict in Chechnya where a lot people were killed and injured.

The collapse inevitably affected my family as well. A lot of companies and factories could not handle the crisis and they had two choices. They could either close down or save money by reducing manufacturing and firing employees. That happened with my mother too. The factory where she had worked for years had hard times, and they had to lay her off as well as a lot of other employees. It was a big shock for her and for the whole family. I will never forget that day when she came home after work, sat on a chair and started crying. She could not believe that it had happened to her. My father was able to keep his job. But the construction company he worked for was municipal and was getting almost no financial support from the city. Consequently, the workers were not paid either. He was one of the supervisors in his company and he had to deal with the pressure and whining from the co-workers. As a result, those negative emotions were brought to the family and caused even more conflicts.

All those crucial changes in the county put a lot of stress on my family. As a six year old child I did not feel it much, but I remember the constant tension and conflicts between my parents. I recently found out that my father was depressed because he could not support the family as he had done it for years. In addition, my mother had to sacrifice a lot when she decided to start her own small business. That seemed the only way to make some money though it completely contradicted my father’s ideology of a wife’s duties. Losing a job, not getting paid, inside family conflicts, a new political system and price liberalization brought more stress to our family and a feeling of insecurity.

In fact, the collapse of the USSR significantly affected almost every citizen. A lot of them lost their jobs or businesses, fell into despair or depression or even lost someone they knew in armed conflicts between some republics. It was a truly hard time for my family too, but we made it through the crisis and overcame those challenges. The roller-coaster car eventually went up. The rough times are left behind, and they have never been discussed between me and my parents. We do not like to bring up old bad memories; however, they will never be erased from our minds.

The Deadliest Earthquake

Tangshan earthquake which was the Deadliest Earthquake in China changed many families’ lives. How did it change? In 1976, a magnitude 7.8 earthquake happened in the city of Tangshan, in northeastern China. It happened without any omens, and broken residents’ dreams. At that time, my grandparents and my father lived in the city of Tangshan. According to their memories, there are more than 240 thousand people were killed in that terrible event and about 100 million were injured. My families are survivors during the earthquake. Some old houses in their region were flattened, though nobody were killed or injured. However, the disaster has a big influence on my family in three significant areas: economy, education, and the health.
First, the Tangshan earthquake affected the economy of my family. Most of the houses collapsed. All the people dared not to go to stay in their houses. So many tents were built outside. My grandparents and my father had to live in the tents for many days. They also had to deal with not enough water, food, or electricity. It was very painful. My grandma said," thirty years has passed but it was like happened yesterday." Because most of residential buildings and industrial buildings were completely destroyed, so my grandparents moved to another city where I had lived for eighteen years before I moved to the U.S. I always said that I’m lucky. If my grandparents didn’t move to another city, my father and my mother would have never gotten married.
Next, the Tangshan earthquake a the education of my father. My father was only thirteen years old at that time. With so much damage, my father couldn’t go to school for study. While education is important, my father couldn’t receive the education because of the earthquake. It almost damaged my father’s dream. He wanted to be a teacher when he was young. He liked teaching and wanted to help students with their studies. The earthquake changed my father’s lives. Now, he is a doctor. He said that he wanted to save more people’s life because he saw many people lost their life in the earthquake. He hopes that people cherish their lives because many people wanted to be alive but couldn’t.
Then the Tangshan earthquake affected the health of my family. The members of my family had psychological trauma from then on. They were afraid of the disaster. They were survivors and they didn't want to undergo that kind of disaster one more time. They don’t want to see the separate with the relatives. After the earthquake, they also thought the buildings would collapse for a long period. They couldn’t sleep well and dare not stay at home. Now, my grandparents are calm when they talk about the earthquake. However, the memory won't disappear even with the passing of time.
Now, the city of Tangshan is beautiful. It was been rebuilt and everything isdifferent. Although this kind of big earthquake hasn't happened for the past few years, aftershocks happen frequently. That is always the case. Nevertheless, no matter what influence the earthquake brought, the slump of the economy, the sadness, or the psychological panic; in the face of a natural disaster, The Chinese people never feel despaired. We are still filled with courage. We are full of hopes and dreams.

The Corner

There’s a saying in poor Chinese families that when a man gets to the top, all his relatives rise to high positions. I do believe it, and I have been practicing it for many years. Maybe some of the adolescents who were born after the 1980s might not think that there would be differences between the city and country. However, people living in the country do hope that someone in their family can get out for their dreams. In the meanwhile, those working in the cities have responsibilities to the whole family. The Economic Opening of China has changed the lives of most of the Chinese in cities. Nevertheless, the village children still open their eyes widely to the skyscrapers for their curious feelings. It happened to me when I was sixteen years old. My father traveled to America and stayed here. His working in the US changed the route that my family was supposed to walk along.

As a boy at that time, I felt like I was a released prisoner when my father told me that there would be no farming anymore. Each year, when the harvest time came, I couldn’t help remembering the times I worked in the field. It was true that poor children had to work with their family when they reached the age of five. As for me, I first held up a farming tool when I was seven, and I wouldn’t forget that I cut my finger a few minutes after I walked into the field. After the first attempt, a lot of work came and pushed me down. Thus, it’s so easy to think how happy I was when my father left for America. The standard of living in my family had changed. I didn’t need to bend in the rain, I wouldn’t blame the evil sunshine, and I wouldn’t cry over the work in a mountain of sugarcane.

I should be thankful for my continuing studies after middle school since my father came to America. It was uneasy for a poor family to afford to educate their children. Many children in the village had to stop their studies after middle school, and then they left their homes and worked in strange cities. I didn’t have to drop out because my father traveled to America when I was in middle school. My family could afford the tuition and living expenses of my studies from the time he left. Although I still complain about the incident that happened years ago when my parents broke my hope the moment I got into a better school, I felt lucky that I got into high school and university after that. In my career as a student, I learned a lot that my childhood friends lost the chance to learn. It was all about fate and chance, I thought as a boy who was born in the country.

The most important turning point for me was the immigration of my family after my father’s arrival in the U.S. It totally changed my life, from a country youth to a man living in a big city. For most of the people in my hometown, living in a foreign country is better than everything. However, for us, we are behind the start line and beginning to walk across it. If my father hadn’t taken the opportunity of travelling here, I would still be walking on the road beside the hills or working hard in a factory, but now I’m faced with the avenues filled with cars. The smells that come out from the cars do not depress me, nor does the noise of the running trains make me upset. What I am supposed to do is appreciating and enjoying my new life.

There are many times when people walk to the corner. Most of them may change everything because they step on new roads. I still believe that life is easier when someone is the pathfinder before you and keeps on going in front of you. If someone asked me why people desire to immigrate to foreign countries, I would tell him a story about a crying boy in the field, a depressed student holding a certificate, and a whole family looking forward to reunion. Also, people in the cities should take a glance at the corner of the world. There are so many begging voices that they have never heard before. I dare to say my father’s coming to the US has played an important part in my life. At least, thanks to my father, I can breathe in the crowd that is full of new faces.

Expensive Deadwood

Have you ever heard of “Mottainai”? This is the Japanese word when people throw out things that can be usable. This common sense idea has developed in the country where the natural resources are limited. In 1997, the international convention was held in Kyoto, Japan which warned the world of an environmental crisis, and made us aware that we needed to prevent dangerous effect to our planet. After that, the Japanese government established recycling regulation countywide in accordance with this protocol. The regulation targeted to absorb Greenhouse Gas, like CO2. It made Japanese people much more conscious about daily waste. Our family realized that we had to change our way of life because we could no longer conceal garbage in our country or around the globe.

At the beginning, we started separating garbage for recycling which reduced burnable or concealable garbage. Every single household had to buy several designated garbage bags for separate categories. To sort them according to materials confused our family much more than we had expected. For example, there were both reusable and non-reusable materials in plastic. In addition, we had to crush cans and plastic bottles, and rinse every container in order to deduct recycle process and cost. In my home town, we placed the garbage bags in front of every house at night on the scheduled day. If we made mistake sorting or did not crush cans inside of the see-through bag, we found the bag left on the street the next morning.

Second, there was big change of domestic products in Japan. Besides the development of an incinerator, most Japanese manufacturers started to develop green conscious products. Most of them were designed to minimize using energy. For example, Japanese automobile manufacturers developed the first hybrid car that minimized using gasoline with its electrical engine system. Also, these cars can reduce exhaust gas which is a main factor of global warming. In addition, an electrical manufacturer developed a new washing machine that needed 20% water compared to earlier models. I did not want to use the water for washing my clothes due to feeling dirty. However, most the water conservation washing machine cleans the water in its system. Soon I realized how manufacturers made an effort so that consumer could economize on water by using it, and how much water we had wasted every day taking baths.

Finally, the new regulation affected our fashion and scene on the streets in Japan. All the public garbage bins were changed to categorized types everywhere. The bin was long, like a bench on the streets because there are five or six categories in one set. Fashion also changed, especially in business occasions because the government focused on electric consumption to cool offices by air conditioners. Most congressmen including the Prime Minister stopped wearing ties and jackets; then, they replaced their long sleeves with short sleeves in the summer. They named this new style “COOL BIZ”. Many retail shops started selling business casual clothes. On the streets in the summer, I began to find more white than the black and gray of the past. My father wore a black suite in the summer only for funerals.

Japanese people are still struggling to separate the three materials - the plastic cap, a bottle and its paper label of a bottle after drinking water. However, this bothersome law has forced us to buy our own canteens for drinks for good. In addition, it has changed our culture, not only our way of live. Japanese people always say every small action makes a difference, and these will help to save our planet. The new regulation soon became our family’s habit. When I came to the US, I felt uncomfortable throwing out garbage all together. In fact, recycling and reuse cost a lot of money. Sometimes, it is more expensive than manufacturing new products. However, we should manage the limited resource of the globe where we are living because our waste does not disappear even when we incinerate it.

ROBIN HOOD OR PINOCCHIO

Anyone who has read “A Hundred Years of Solitude” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez knows the history of the civil wars in Colombia since the nineteen century. As a result of many years of social conflicts in Colombia, an organization called the National Liberation Army (ELN) was founded in 1987. The ELN was inspired by the Cuban Revolution, and it was relied on the strategies of Che Guevara. This group was an expression of resistance against the government and the unequal society. The ELN wanted to be Colombian’s Robin Hood. Their vision was to protect the poor people, fight against the oligarchy, and develop an equal society. Unfortunately, as the years passed, their dream of a socialist country become just a mask to hide their dirty purposes of richness and power. They started dealing drugs, kidnapping and killing people for money. The ELN became the image of our country in the world. Everywhere, Colombia was synonymous with guerrillas and drugs. They painted the history of Colombia with red and black and with blood and death, affecting my family in several ways.

The ELN caused a massive movement of farmers and indigenous from the land to the cities. They needed a big army to fight, so they forced young people to join them. As a result, families started moving to the cities afraid of losing their members and their lives. They also needed places to stay and food to eat, so they used violence to make people leave their farms. Around the cities you could see Indians barely dressed asking for money, and breast feeding their babies, with three or four children by their side. On their lands, they used to have everything to live, sown fields and animals. In contrast, they were lost and hungry in the city. This situation created a lot of poverty and insecurity in the cities. Some members of my family were victims of this. For example, my grandfather used to have a very rich coffee farm in Armenia, a coffee city of Colombia. Ten years ago, the guerrilla group forced him to leave his land and his cattle, so they could set up a drug laboratory. Last year, he turned 98 years old. He always talks all about everything he left behind. He feels nostalgia and sadness. He was a very hard worker all his life, and suddenly he couldn’t work on his land anymore. He was lost. In his heart he always keeps the hope of living there again, the only place he can call home.

The ELN, also had an economic impact in my family. I belong to a trader family. Some members of my family work trading fruits and vegetables and others trade with cattle. The guerrilla group used to charge a fee to farmers in order to protect them; if people resisted to pay, they would kill their cattle, burn their farms, or in the worse case, kill them. Basically, they wanted to protect people against the same guerrillas. It can be very confusing to understand, but basically the rule was “if you give me money, you are safe”. Sometimes the fees were so expensive that most of the businesses worked to pay those fees. Consequently, some members of my family lost their businesses.

Finally, the ELN had an impact in the way my family lived, spent time and took vacation. They were the owners of the roads in Colombia. My cousins and I used to spend every vacation on our farm, climbing trees, helping grandpa to select the coffee, giving food to the animals, chasing squirrels, drinking fresh milk every morning and taking showers in the river. We were there in complete happiness and freedom. When the guerrilla group appeared in that region we weren’t able to travel there anymore. We took pains to give up our vacation. We were trapped in a cage. We were forced to spend every vacation in the city. People weren’t able to travel by car anymore because of the risk of being kidnapped or killed. In fact, when I was nineteen years old, my best friend was killed by the guerrilla group. He and his uncle were traveling by car from one city to another when suddenly, they saw the guerrillas. The guerillas asked them to stop, but they didn’t. They knew they would be kidnapped. Subsequently, the guerilla started shooting at them; thus, my friend died at the age of seventeen. After that, his family decided to move to United States, and they have been living here ever since.

Although the ELN is still part of my country, in Colombia the situation is quite different now. We have a strong president named Alvaro Uribe Velez. He took the power in a moment when the guerrilla group was the king of Colombia. The ELN was the owner of towns in Colombia. The Colombian army could never enter on those places; thus, they became the most dangerous places of the country. The president returned the sovereignty of our country to the people above every place of Colombia. In addition, he is motivating guerrilla members to leave that life and go back home. Also, he is working on programs to help them to adjust to a new civil life. Colombian citizens are trying to keep him in the power since he has been the only one who returned the faith to our country. Now we can travel everywhere, other countries are investing in Colombia, more people are traveling to our country, and this year for the first time, my grandfather was able to go back to the place he loves the most, his home.

Who Am I ?

Who Am I?

No torture, no shot, no illegal arrival, I’m just but a daughter of a very smart admiral. In fact, my dad was promoted to admiral and led the Indian Ocean based fleet in 1987. At the same time, the Iran-Iraq war broke out and gave the French navy, a significant role. The French president at the time, Francois Mitterrand, visited the French forces several times, and my dad had the opportunity of being highly exposed. From that time, my dad made an impressive take off, and he ended up being Joint Chief of Staff for four years. As my father had become of the most prominent military leader in France, it had created a fantastic environment for my whole family, but on the other hand, I have felt that my personality and my identity have been weakened.



During those ten years, which my father served as a top member of the French government and military, I had numerous opportunities to mingle with very prominent people in fantastic places. I lived with my family at “ecole militaire” which is a tremendous public mansion in the seventh district in the heart of Paris. It was a dream. There was a large staff with a few cooks ready to please us, and several servants, and a very efficient laundry women who were there just to serve us. There was a big difference between my family’s life before that time. Besides, at this time, we had a lot of private dinners with Mitterrand, and I never felt shy. I felt very comfortable speaking with him like a common person. I had a strong interest in all he said and I enjoyed mingling with many famous secretaries. By the way, I also remember a great cocktail at the Elysee palace where my father gave a high French reward to Colin Powel, and I had a great time chatting with him. As a result, I loved this new life in this new world because it was fun and exciting.

The second effect of being in this new world was that it allowed me to be very well at ease in those kinds of environments, and this helped me to develop an open-minded approach too. Therefore, I’m like a fish in the sea in every new situation. I feel no fear, no apprehension when I walk into a party and I don’t know anyone. I usually introduce myself with pleasure, and I love to be interested in people’s lives. I’m an easygoing person, and it helps me in many situations. Moreover, it has created a strong desire to discover new people in different contexts. When my husband was sent to work in the USA, I was delighted. It was a good opportunity to discover a new world. I was not afraid at all, and I was so happy to share this experience with my kids. Also, I didn’t want them to be stuck in a comfortable Parisian life and standing in our cocoon forever. In fact, I think I have this kind of attitude due to my father’s career, which has allowed us to be open with everyone, and I also want my kids to benefit from this lucky advantage.

On the other hand, when I was in France there were some disadvantages to be the daughter of my well-known father. I always was viewed by my father’s name, and I never knew if someone was interested in meeting me or getting closer to my father. This has been a deep frustration for many years and maybe the most important motivation to leave my country. I remember when I was twenty-two, I had some young navy officers who invited me for a cruise in Greece, but I didn’t know if it was for me or for getting closer from my dad. I was in love with one of them, but even with him, I was not sure if he was a suitor for my name or for me. Moreover, being uncertain about who am I for others has helped develop a dangerous lack of self-confidence. I have always been proud of my father, but at times I need to know who I am, and I remember that every so often I felt stupid living with a smart guy who has a very strong desire to succeed in his life. I deeply love him, but I had never felt that I am not good enough to be close to him.

To conclude, my dad is the fifth generation of naval officers in my father’s side, and most likely the smartest one and most aware of the political and strategic stakes. As a result, he had taken a career, which gave us a fantastic opportunity to belong to a powerful society with a comfortable life style. However, I have always wondered who I really am, and It helps explain why I had been so keen to leave that environment and experience a brand new country where I would be totally free of his legacy. Starting from scratch might be a good solution to answer my question, and I have already found relief through this thought process.

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The Chinese American Railroad

The Chinese American Railroad
When you are on an American railroad today, do you ever think about who built it? Most laborers came from my hometown, which is well known as being “China’s First Homeland for Overseas Chinese.” One hundred years ago, my hometown was affected by war and natural disaster, so it was hard for people to live in that situation; at the same time, America was a developing country, which needed a lot of cheap workers for the railroad construction. As a result, many strong young men signed a long-term labor contract for the American railroad. They couldn’t write a letter back home because they lacked education, and there was no telephone in the past; thus, most of them left and lost communication with their Chinese families. My great-grandfather was one of the people who kept away from his family by the American railroad for good. My great-grandfather’s choice has had a deep influence on my family throughout the generations.

At the beginning, his choice let my great-grandmother become a strong and lonely single mother. After her husband left, my great-grandmother became the head of the household. My great-grandfather didn’t send back any money, so she had to work very hard. Even though she was pregnant at that time, she worked day and night. If she stopped working, her children and old parents would have nothing to eat. Also, this change made my great-grandmother feel lonely. At that time, women wouldn’t remarry even if their husband died. It is traditional woman’s thinking. Although my great- grandmother knew that it was hopeless for her husband to come back, she would live lone the remainder of her life; thus, sometimes my great-grandmother glanced at the window at night and wept in silence.

In addition, my grandfather had a hard time during his childhood and adulthood without his father. My grandfather began to help family when he was eight, and he escaped from school twice a week. When his classmates were learning with their fathers, he was going to catch fish and sell them. As a result of this, he had bad grades in primary school and didn’t finish it. It was hard to find a job without education. And he has worked as a fisherman until now. In addition, it was hard to find a woman to marry. In our small village, everybody knew that he was bought up in a single family. Even in an arranged meeting with a woman from another village, she also knew it by investigating. It was an honor to have a father in America, but it was not an honor to have an American father that didn’t come back. Finally, my grandfather met my grandmother who has also never seen her father’ face. There have been many children in single families because their fathers left for the American railroad at that time.

Finally, this history lets me cherish my new life in America and my family in China. It was not easy for the early Chinese who lived in America. The railroad workers like my great- grandfather were called “Small Pig”, which means they sold themselves to the signed contract. Compared to my great grandfather’s life in America, I feel lucky now. I have a better life to be an American Chinese. I have a chance to have a good education; thus, I cherish my life and work hard for my dream. Moreover, because of my great- grandfather’s influence, my family is afraid that I will do the same thing as my great- grandfather. They call me every week to make sure that I don’t suddenly disappear, and remind me that I am a Chinese girl who has family that misses me in China. Learning from my great-grandfather’s story, I have never lost myself in a big city. In my heart; I have always lived in a small town with my big family.

Today, when I am on the American railroad, I think of my great-grandfather and his effects on my great-grandmother, grandfather and me. It may be not have been a good choice, but my family has never blamed him. In my great-grandmother’s heart, he will always be a gentleman, and in my grandfather’s heart, he will always believe that he is a good father. Although I don’t know where he is now, he is always in my heart.