Lost in the U.S

As an immigrant, have you ever found that you have lost something after you moved to a new country? I left my country for the U.S. with misgivings in 2006, but fortunately, I live in Chinatown. I have felt comfortable staying in the Chinese community because everything looks almost like it did in China. I have lived in Chinatown for two years. Most parts of my life look not too much different from China, but I still feel strongly that I have lost something as a complete Chinese.

Food is the first thing that tells me that I have lost something in my daily life in the U.S.. I never tried any frozen food in my country. The first dinner that I had in the U.S. was on the first day I got to Chicago. The dinner was held in my parents- in-law’s house. I was so happy to meet my new family members and everything that I never saw before, except the new taste of the Chinese food. In fact, the food looked as nice as the traditional Chinese food, but the taste was really strange for me. I ate very less than usual at dinner that night, but I didn’t say anything about the food because I have good manners. My mother-in-law seemed to know that was going on. She explained to me that almost all food in the U.S. is frozen even though this is Chinatown. She agreed that the taste of the food is never as good as them in China. I realized that we all felt exactly the same. Anyway, I have to adapt to the new taste of the Chinese food in the future. However, even now, I still can’t adapt to the new taste of the food. I missed my home town’s food very much.

Language is another thing that makes my feeling lost in this country. I understand people’s talking if I stay in Chinatown. However, language becomes difficult for me if I left the Chinese Community. I have been a college student for tow years in the U.S., but I still feel nervous when I talked to the native people in English. I don’t like to talk with others even Chinese people. I clearly know that the main problem is my bad English. I hate to spend a lot of time to express a simple thing. I just want to escape out this situation and go back to my home. I realized that I have lost my confidence for the language in this new country.

The Chinese festivals are the most important thing that effects me feeling lost in my new immigrant life. Mid-autumn festival, Chinese New Year and Tomb-sweeping Day are the days that bring the Chinese family members gather together. I always remember those special days, even though my sisters were very busy, they always came back to celebrate for the festival days. My mother would be very busy preparing the big dinner, and we would have a lot of fun during the festivals. We liked to play cards, we singed, or we went to visit relatives. We had a lot of different ways to celebrate the festivals in China. However, I have nothing here now. I need to go to work even on Holidays. I just can say “Happy Festival Days” to my family and friends by phone in the special days. Living in the U.S. makes me really realized that how important the Chinese Festival Days are for me, and it also makes me feel lost in the new country.

I have found that my immigrant’s lives have taken something from me, and I am no longer a complete Chinese person as before. In the future, my children will be completely Chinese-Americans. Maybe they will never understand how my life is, but I will show them where they are from, so that they will know who they are. I think that at least they should know they have one part that belongs to the country of China.