Who Am I ?

Who Am I?

No torture, no shot, no illegal arrival, I’m just but a daughter of a very smart admiral. In fact, my dad was promoted to admiral and led the Indian Ocean based fleet in 1987. At the same time, the Iran-Iraq war broke out and gave the French navy, a significant role. The French president at the time, Francois Mitterrand, visited the French forces several times, and my dad had the opportunity of being highly exposed. From that time, my dad made an impressive take off, and he ended up being Joint Chief of Staff for four years. As my father had become of the most prominent military leader in France, it had created a fantastic environment for my whole family, but on the other hand, I have felt that my personality and my identity have been weakened.



During those ten years, which my father served as a top member of the French government and military, I had numerous opportunities to mingle with very prominent people in fantastic places. I lived with my family at “ecole militaire” which is a tremendous public mansion in the seventh district in the heart of Paris. It was a dream. There was a large staff with a few cooks ready to please us, and several servants, and a very efficient laundry women who were there just to serve us. There was a big difference between my family’s life before that time. Besides, at this time, we had a lot of private dinners with Mitterrand, and I never felt shy. I felt very comfortable speaking with him like a common person. I had a strong interest in all he said and I enjoyed mingling with many famous secretaries. By the way, I also remember a great cocktail at the Elysee palace where my father gave a high French reward to Colin Powel, and I had a great time chatting with him. As a result, I loved this new life in this new world because it was fun and exciting.

The second effect of being in this new world was that it allowed me to be very well at ease in those kinds of environments, and this helped me to develop an open-minded approach too. Therefore, I’m like a fish in the sea in every new situation. I feel no fear, no apprehension when I walk into a party and I don’t know anyone. I usually introduce myself with pleasure, and I love to be interested in people’s lives. I’m an easygoing person, and it helps me in many situations. Moreover, it has created a strong desire to discover new people in different contexts. When my husband was sent to work in the USA, I was delighted. It was a good opportunity to discover a new world. I was not afraid at all, and I was so happy to share this experience with my kids. Also, I didn’t want them to be stuck in a comfortable Parisian life and standing in our cocoon forever. In fact, I think I have this kind of attitude due to my father’s career, which has allowed us to be open with everyone, and I also want my kids to benefit from this lucky advantage.

On the other hand, when I was in France there were some disadvantages to be the daughter of my well-known father. I always was viewed by my father’s name, and I never knew if someone was interested in meeting me or getting closer to my father. This has been a deep frustration for many years and maybe the most important motivation to leave my country. I remember when I was twenty-two, I had some young navy officers who invited me for a cruise in Greece, but I didn’t know if it was for me or for getting closer from my dad. I was in love with one of them, but even with him, I was not sure if he was a suitor for my name or for me. Moreover, being uncertain about who am I for others has helped develop a dangerous lack of self-confidence. I have always been proud of my father, but at times I need to know who I am, and I remember that every so often I felt stupid living with a smart guy who has a very strong desire to succeed in his life. I deeply love him, but I had never felt that I am not good enough to be close to him.

To conclude, my dad is the fifth generation of naval officers in my father’s side, and most likely the smartest one and most aware of the political and strategic stakes. As a result, he had taken a career, which gave us a fantastic opportunity to belong to a powerful society with a comfortable life style. However, I have always wondered who I really am, and It helps explain why I had been so keen to leave that environment and experience a brand new country where I would be totally free of his legacy. Starting from scratch might be a good solution to answer my question, and I have already found relief through this thought process.

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